Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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