i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
