So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I could make wine with my vomit
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
