you traded sex for a burrito?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
