There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize