Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
