Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I have fence marks all over my body
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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