I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
NoShamevember. You game?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
