Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
