He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I would ride that face into the sunset
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
