I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
