I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
