So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
