When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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