i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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