I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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