WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
