She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
