just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize