did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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