I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
