shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
