It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Holy shit dude........stairs
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
