went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
