my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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