I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
