walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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