i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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