my mouth tastes like poor choices
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
