Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
