he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
