Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
