I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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