Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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