apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
