I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
