do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
