Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
