peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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