my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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