So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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