How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
