i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
How drunk are you?
Completed.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
