halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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