you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize