i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
