Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
