did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize