i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
50% drunk capacity currently
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
