he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
How does one acquire holy water?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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