You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
