you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize