Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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