I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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