You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize