Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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