well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
