I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
