She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
