At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize