After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
sex in a hospital.. check
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
