she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
