Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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