I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
