If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
