ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
