How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
