My pussy is not your playground.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
