So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
