So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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