This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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