FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
