Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
