i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
this hospital has no fireball
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
