Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
