Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
