We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
